This Week With Lombaire Fan: Objectivity

A transcript of my Washington-based webcast

LOMBAIRE FAN: Hello there. Before I begin, let me offer a special welcome to all the new viewers watching us for the first time on LiveNudeNThai.com. I understand that site is now broadcasting us - by mistake. Whatever the case, I hope you'll stick around, even after the server problems are worked out.

It's been a busy seven days for both Lomblog and the nation. From time to time, we take a breather from the non-stop hustle-and-bustle of virtual life and look back on the news cycle just passed. Joining us on this week's show is syndicated columnist Hayden Bradford. Hayden's writing appears in over 500 newspapers, nearly a third of which are not owned by his parents.

Hayden, what would you say were the week's key events?

HAYDEN BRADFORD: No question about it - the Iraqi elections on Sunday and the President's speech Wednesday. Between the two of them, the White House has delivered a real one-two punch. Anyone who says that a president's second term is doomed to fail has obviously never met a certain "George W. Bush". (laughs)

LF: That's a very positive review. Very positive. You almost sounds like you're on the White House payroll.

HB: (Laughs) I don't know if you're kidding but I guess I see no need to prove my objectivity by slamming the president. Even many of the war's critics have come around and acknowledged that the liberation of Iraq was a good idea. Why should the press be any different? I mean....didn't you see that shot of the soldier's mother hugging the Iraqi woman?

LF: Yes, I did.

HB: Very moving, wasn't it? You know, sometimes at night, when I can't sleep....I visualize that moment. And then I imagine the president....holding me.....cradling me.....giving me the comfort no woman could ever provide....assuring me the "bad people" are gone and I'm safe....secure...as secure as Social Security after the president's reform proposals are adopted by Congress.

LF: Hayden...you are on the White House payroll, aren't you?

HB: What are you implying? That anyone who speaks positively about the administration is somehow "compromised"? That's a very cynical view. I can assure you, Mr. Fan, I am not for sale. By anyone.

LF: But surely, after recent revelations, you can see how people would be suspicious?

HB: Uh huh....I'm well aware. I can just say for myself, that when I sat down to watch the president's address - on my 32" Sony Trinitron© High Definition television set - I had no intention of writing a puff piece. In fact, even after I downloaded it from iTunes directly to my 20 GB Apple© Ipod, I didn't think it was that great a speech. Only when I watched it again on my Toshiba© DVD Recorder with built-in TiVo© DVR - which, full disclosure, I purchased at BestBuy© (laughs) - did I even begin to comprehend the greatness of this speech. I guess visuals count for a lot.

LF: Wait a minute - what's with the litany of products? You sound like an adman, not a journalist.

HB: (Laughs) I'm sorry - I don't believe I ever called myself a "journalist". Sure, I have press credentials, and I'm often the first person called on at a White House news conference. My nickname within the WH Press Corps is "Fluffer". But I'm not a journalist; I get paid to express opinions. Now maybe some people don't like my opinions, like when I say that George W. Bush is a great leader or Polident® is the only denture-cleaner that will scrub out what brushing misses, but it's my job. I don't think that makes me some kind of sell-out.

LF: Well, judging from tonight, I would say that seems to be what you are.

HB: Pardon? I think someone's a little jealous that no one's ever tried to buy his services.

LF: I think maybe we should end this discussion right now....it feels almost dirty.

HB: Dirty? What brand of deoderant are you using?

LF: Thank you for joining me, Hayden.

HB: You know, if I'd known you were going to question my integrity, I never would've answered that call on my Nokia 6260® Smartphone or driven over here in my 2005 Nissan© Altama - it handles as smoothly as Condoleezza Rice at a confirmation hearing. (Laughs)

LF: Good night.