LF here - still in Rome, still in a new-pater state of mind. In a few hours, the era of Pope Benedict XVI will officially begin. While Benedict might seem old-fashioned, he has already advanced upon on his successor in at least one respect: he is the first Holy Father with his own e-mail address. Not only can you drop him a line, the new Pope is already messaging members of the Vatican's vast online database. True to form, he is taking an aggressive stance toward the promotion of Catholic ideals....
Dear follower,
In my first remarks to you on Tuesday, I stated that I was "a simple, humble worker in the vineyard of the Lord". This is true. It may sound overly modest but I am just one man, albeit infallible. I can not do this job without the support of each and every one of you. Which is why I ask all Catholics to join with me in a most urgent task: stopping the Jewish filibuster.
Yes, a Jewish filibuster - or as they call it, "Passover" - is scheduled to take place for the next eight days. That's right - just as I prepare to take the reigns as Vicar of Christ, the so-called "Chosen people" will attempt to crowd me out of the media spotlight with matzah balls, ornate tableware and tales of multi-generational oppression. For this reason, Ted Koppel, Wolf Blitzer and many other top TV and print reporters will likely not be in Rome this weekend when I am formally inaugurated as pontiff.
Now, they will say this is all a coincidence, that Passover is always celebrated this time of year. But you and I know the real truth: they're running scared.
The Jews know that, thanks to recent events, the momentum is on our side. Brothers and sisters, people all over the globe have just gotten a good hard look at Catholicism - and they like what they see. We are gaining converts right and left, while their following continues to stagnate - honestly, when was the last time someone saw Moses in an underpass? Frustrated by their minority status, Judaism's more zealous adherents are falling back on the petty obstructionist tactics they've employed since at least 36 AD.
But not every Jew is on the same page as the Jew leadership. Some are on the fence. As such, we have a unique opportunity to influence their decision. Please contact the following Jews and let them know you don't think they should celebrate Passover this year[*]:
Barry Goldman - Newark New Jersey --- --- ----
Richard Lind - Buffalo, New York --- --- ----
David Lipowicz - Denver, Colorado --- --- ----
Peter Bernman - Boca Raton, Florida --- --- ----
Phyllis Hampton - West Palm Beach, Florida --- --- ----
Ed Mortimer - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania --- --- ----
Charlie Hirschberg - Montpelier, Vermont --- --- ----
David Geffen[**] - Los Angeles, California --- --- ----
And for other ways to help, call this toll-free number:
1-800-STOP-THE-FEAST
Some might think this letter impolitic from a seventy-eight-year-old German man who was briefly a Hitler youth. But I can not let my past guide the Church's future. I was not elected on the fourth ballot by keeping opinions to myself. It is time we Catholics take action and prove to those on the other side that we are still the Holy Roman fighting force we were so many years ago. So let us join hands across this great electronic divide, and unite for victory.
Sincerely,
Pope Benedict XVI
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1 comment:
Judaism is sooo 1998, Catholicism totally 2005
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