Those of you who check the blog frequently probably notice that a post from earlier today is no longer appearing on the server. That's because it provoked such a strongly negative reaction from my readers that I felt it best to delete and move on - the post, not my readers. But after thinking it over, I realized this was a bit rash. After all, the great thing about the blogosphere is the lack of self-censorship, particularly on grounds of taste and propriety. So I've reinstated the post, and I'll be back a bit later to address any new criticism that might arise.
Memo To The Democrats: Expose Bush!
Like many others, I saw a photo of this meeting a few days ago and was both confused and troubled. My first thought? "Elton John is getting married and he's chosen his most unusual costume yet." But now we know the truth: President Bush is a four-square proponent of and participant in all-out, hardcore, balls-to-the-wall Saudi-my!
Yes, it's time the Democrats get aggressive and tell it like it is: George W. Bush is the flaming queen of Crawford mince! He's queerer than a queer-dollar-bill! He's fruitier than a holiday gift cake that has anal intercourse with other gift cakes! Oh, perhaps I'm not so gifted at euphemism but you get my meaning. If you want sophistication, maybe you should stick with the geniuses that helped the D team lose one and a half of the last two presidential elections.
Right now, the media is only covering issues Republicans want them to cover: gas prices, Social Security and Tom DeLay's ethics probe. But the Democrats have a perfect opportunity to break through the muddle with a message so obvious even NASCAR-watching, meth-cooking Red America will understand: "W" stands for Wonka, as in "Wonka-lot-in-the-Prince-Abdullah-chocolate-factory." Simplicity sells. Remember how Bush '04 triumped with that nursery-fit ad campaign, "Flip-Flop/Botox/Kerry's Wife's A Bitch!"?
The Democrats need to pound home the message that the whole GOP is one giant orgy of Moonie-financed man-on-man conservative action. Let's hear it on radio, TV, around the water cooler, in speeches and in jokes:
Q: Knock, knock
A: Who's there?
Q: The president
A: The president who?
Q: The president who likes to have sex with other men, provided they are bearded and oil-rich
We have the truth on our side - this is the gayest administration since Coolidge! For instance, they allowed a former male hustler into the White House repeatedly without ever verifying his measurements. Yes - a gay prostitute in the same building where our finest presidents did it with underlings! Explain that to Bubba T. Public who pulled the throbbing Republican lever in the simple hope that more Mideasterners would be killed and gay marriage tossed in the doily-bin of history.
That's right, Dems, it's time to take off the gloves and fight rank homophobia with rank homophobia. We can "reframe" gay-bashing on grounds that favor us. Let's start a Dick Cheney stomach-pump rumor. Let's call Laura Bush, Lynne Cheney and Condoleeza Rice "Texas oil-and-gas hags." Let's say to our friends across the aisle, "We'll come up with a response to your Social Security plan when you come up with an energy policy that doesn't involve dirty butt-sex with Arab royals. Deal?"
Or you can stand by your "principles", stay on the defensive and wait for Americans to "get over" their centuries-old aversion to homosexuals outside sitcoms and Super Cuts. Until then, the Republicans are here, they're scarily dominant and you'll just have to get used to it.
To paraphrase a famous gay icon, I've got all my life to live and so much advice to give. My cell is waiting for your beep, gents.
2 comments:
Republican though I may be, I am still not too out of touch with society's mainstream to know no self-respecting homosexual would be caught outside a Super Cuts. Have you not watched the sitcom Will and Grace? As self-serving as Republicans find themselves, even the most secular of us has said, "I wrestled with my demons." I am sure we both know how hard it is to conceal ones love for cheese, chicken and porn. However, I am digressing (or somehow channeling Ann Coulter.) Please forgive my digressions and tardiness in posting on your blog. I really just wanted to say, "Welcome back from Vatican City."
Ah, that "sitcoms and Super Cuts" line just pinpoints the dangers of being alliterative.
Re: Will & Grace - As I believe I've said before, I have not watched any American prime time situation comedy since they cancelled "The Jerry Steinfeld Show". I do know that Will is "the neat one" and Grace is "the slob" with the gravelly voice, baseball cap, sweatshirt and poker chips, right?
Welcome back, Anony. Love the new pseud.
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