Friday, October 13, 2006

Coming Up

He's Made Up His Mind

Material Orphan

African Boy Disavows Madonna Adoption, Holds Out For Brangelina
The North Korean Landslide

Results of yesterday's Webpoll.

Il results
Favorite Title For Kim Jong-Il
Kaboom Daddy (2) 18.18%
K-Threat (7) 63.64%
Il B. Sure (2) 18.18%

Thanks to everyone who voted. I'll be forwarding your responses to Pyongyang shortly.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Question Of The Day

What's your favorite title for North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il? Take our poll.

Kim Jong-Il
Kim Jong-Il

PollPub.com VoteFavorite Title For Kim Jong-Il
Greatest Man Who Ever Lived
World’s Best Ideal Leader with Versatile Talents
Il B. Sure
Lode Star of the Twenty-First Century
Bad Mama Jong-a
Perfect Picture of Wisdom and Boldness
Kaboom Daddy
Guardian Deity of the Planet
The Jongz
K-Threat



Poll powered by PollPub.com Free Polls


Your responses will be closely monitored by Asian meteorologists.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Later

The Outlaw

Kim Jong Busted

Kim Jong-il Busted For 'Shrooms

Monday, October 09, 2006

A Look At This Week's Newsstand

Today was a federal holiday, so most US subscribers to the major newsweeklies will have to wait another day before receiving the latest issues. The covers, however, have been online since early Sunday morning, and have already been major blog-bait.

The dominant story this week: Foleygate.

Newsweek Foley Cover This is Newsweek's cover. Very clever, I think - especially that frowny-face smiley in place of the 'O'. Though, for the sake of historical accuracy, they should've used an authentic AIM emoticon: Aim Frown

A face that looks strikingly like Mark Foley anyway.

Time Foley Cover This is Time depicting "the end of the Republican revolution" with the hindquarters of an elephant, the party's traditional symbol. Again, a very arresting, very apt image.

But not the original cover. I have a friend at Time who told me they toyed around with a slightly different concept before settling on the elephant rear:

Time Foley Cover 2

Now that's a memorable cover. But I guess the Time folks thought it would too disturbing for middle America. Pity.

The Foley scandal is one of those unique political soap operas that grabs the attention of publications that don't normally provide extensive coverage of national affairs. A magazine like People, for instance - which happens to have a major scoop related to this story:

People Gay Republican Cover

Continuing the elephant theme, even National Geographic has a cover piece that seems connected to the Foley scandal:

National Geographic Foley Cover

What genius will next week's mags bring? Stay tuned.
Happy Columbus Day

Columbus File Photo

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Saturday Matinee: Swimming Cats!

It's the weekend - what better time to catch a movie? Direct from soon-to-be Google subsidiary YouTube - man's greatest-ever invention - it's another edition of Saturday Matinee.

Tonight: a visit to a cat swimming school, as seen in Mr. Mike's Mondo Video.



Don't try that at home.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Coming Shortly

Yougle



Search Engine Juggernaut Formulates Plans To Buy Out Its Users

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Startling New Evidence Of A "State Of Denial"

Woodward

By Special Guest Blogger, Bob Woodward

In my new book, State Of Denial, I chronicle the Bush administration's tragic failures in Iraq. As usual in my investigative work, I conducted hundreds of interviews in a two-year-long quest to learn the truth, as both current and former government officials see it. But not all of these discussions made it into print. Only now can I reveal the content of some of my exchanges, such as an alarming conversation I had in April of this year.

More or less by accident, I happened to make the acquaintance of a longtime Republican office-holder, a member of the House leadership who had loyally supported the president. But this GOP stalwart was beginning to have serious reservations about the administration's conduct of Iraq policy. The source insisted on speaking to me exclusively through communications over the Internet, and would identify himself only by his AOL Instant Messenger username "Maf54." What he would reveal in these conversations shocked me.

Over the course of our two-hour chat, "54" repeatedly made his concern explicit: the Administration was badly failing the troops. Like his colleagues, he had dutifully voted for war appropriations requests, even when he felt there were far more pressing matters immediately at hand. But now his doubts - bubbling just beneath the surface for years - had grown, to the point where, in his words, they had "reached rock."

The Republican told me he had initiated contact with many young servicemen, and to a person, they expressed unease. He had tried to reach out to numerous others, but indicated that several seemed so disillusioned by the government's conduct of the Iraq mission that they refused to speak with him, either online or when he offered to visit them in person. This situation so profoundly saddened him that he recalled multiple occasions where he literally welled up at the plight of these brave young men - some just barely out of high school - who had signed up to serve their country.

As a man who took special interest in the personal security of American youth, he was particularly incensed that so many in the military seemed to lack the proper equipment to protect their bodies, and had been forced to rely heavily on their "great legs running" to escape physical harm. He told me shocking stories of soldiers so desperate to raise cash for body armor that they consented to selling lurid photos of themselves to older men on the Internet. He was unsure of how common this practice was but committed himself to doing the research necessary to bring this shame to public light in future congressional hearings.

After this portion of our talks, "Maf54" signed off abruptly. I would not speak to him again, though a Washington Post researcher later bumped into him while browsing the electronic games section of a DC-area Sam Goody's.

The source has now been publicly identified as a former Florida congressman.

You will have the opportunity to read the complete transcripts of my conversations with "Maf54" in future printings of State Of Denial, and more transcripts will appear in the paperback edition of State Of Denial, which will be released sometime next year.
I Resign

Clearly, the people have spoken:

Foley Poll-y
Too Much Foley?
Yea (3) 42.86%
Nay (2) 28.57%
Don't stop, I'm almost there (2) 28.57%


Those are the results of Wednesday's Webpoll. So I hereby resign from non-stop coverage of the Foley saga.

I make this decision with a heavy heart, with full knowledge that there are things like this out there:

Measure it for me

I know the recovery process won't be easy. But I have confidence the Lomblog reader community - or 43% of it - will be with me every step along the way.

For those of you that voted differently, let's remember that special time we shared, when a fair-haired Congressman with a twinkle in his eyes and laptop in lockdown captured our fancy and wouldn't let go, until we were forced to report him to Rep. John Shimkus, head of the House Page Board.

The Pedarast That Keeps On Giving
Rep. Mark Foley

Memo-ries...

I swear on the soul of John Walsh the next post won't even have the word "Foley" in it!
Later

All The Way With JMK?

JMK '06

John Mark Karr Released From Prison, Announces Bid For Congress

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Question Of The Day

Is Lomblog devoting too much coverage to the Foley scandal? Take our poll.

The Pedarast That Keeps On Giving
Rep. Mark Foley

PollPub.com VoteToo much Foley?
Yea
Nay
Don't stop, I'm almost there



Poll powered by PollPub.com Free Polls


We'll be measuring your responses all day...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Mo' Breakin': The One Foley-Related Webpage That Hasn't Been Scrubbed

Once news broke of Rep. Mark Foley (R-U Hard?) and his ongoing bout with Demon Lil' Johnny, many websites immediately purged all their glowing references and smilin' photos of the man who put the "member" in "former member of Congress". Even the NAMBLA site removed their 2003 citation of Foley as "Congressman of the Year". Because of this, the Google well of post-facto Foley weirdness is beginning to run dry. Forcing me to take a different route: Yahoo! Image Search

While doing some research for the last post, I stumbled across this page, which looks to be circa 1997-ish. It documents Congressman Foley's visit to a Florida middle school enrolled in NASA's now-defunct Virtual Science Mentor Program.

Foley In Class

As you can see, not only are there shots of Alias "Maf54" sitting with students and gazing (wistfully?) at a computer screen, but there's some very entertaining text as well:

Our school year started with a flair and ended that way, too. On May 27th, we were fortunate to have Congressman Mark Foley visit as we were videoconferencing with our mentor, Mike Generale. [Editor: I believe this is called "camming" now] Just as Mike recommended that students should write their congressman, in walked Congressman Foley! [With ice cream!] Students were able to learn about the interaction between government and science.[Insert your own "Foley plays Mr. Wizard" joke here]

To close our class, Congressman Foley described life as a United States Congress member. We learned about his recent visit with President Clinton and ride on Air Force One. By the way, Congressman Foley does an excellent impression of President Clinton!


Oh boy.

Now the Republicans have an angle: it was all a Fred Travalina-esque comedy routine! Inspired by...a Democrat!!!

FOLEY: Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to imagine President Bill Clinton if he were into young boys.

I think it might go something like this.....(turns around)

When he's out of rehab, you just know he'll knock 'em dead in Branson.
Breaking: Mark Foley Comes Out!

At an afternoon press conference jam-packed with reporters and excuses, the lawyer for ex-Congressman Mark Foley (R-Horny) dropped this unexpected bombshell:

Mark Foley wants you to know that he is a gay man.


OMG!

Mark Foley is gay!?!?

Totally not gay

You mean....

this Mark Foley?

You say Macaca, I say Menudo

This guy?

You guys must have been hot, forty or fifty years ago

Maybe my gaydar is busted from all these years in Hollywood but I never would've guessed it.

Really, really not gay

Whoa...whoa...gimme a minute. So many shocks these last few days...it's a little hard to process it all.

Next, someone's going to suggest the congressman took some kind of undue interest in being around young men.

Way too old for meThey can't outrun meWhat do you want for your birthday?One of these things is not like the other...

Lord protect this child...from future revelations.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Coming Up

You've Got Meltdown

Foley E-Cards

Republicans Deny Knowledge Of Foley E-Cards
When Foley Met O'Reilly

Q. What's red, white & blue and clammy all over?

A. Mark Foley and Bill O'Reilly in a two-shot.

Yes, hard to believe, but not so long ago, Congressman Foley appeared on The O'Reilly Factor to discuss his crusade to build a national sex-offender registry list as comprehensive as his collection of teenage contact details.

Courtesy Wonkette, it's a visit to the No-Sense-Of-Irony Zone:



You know, that was only May but I feel safer already.

As much attention as the Foley story has attracted so far, there are still many angles yet to be explored. With that in mind, I'd like to present the following reconstruction of what might have happened after Mr. O'Reilly invited Rep. Foley to appear on his show that night.

Note: all the dialogue included in this exchange is based on actual conversations that have been publicly documented.

Foley: i am in pensecola...had to catch a plane

O'Reilly: Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first think I'd do...

Foley: I would drive a few miles for a hot stud like you

O'Reilly: Once people get into that hot weather they shed their inhibitions, you know they drink during the day, they lay there and lazy, they have dinner and then they come back and fool around...

Foley: now in my hotel room

O'Reilly: yeah we'd check into the room, and we would order up room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you...

Foley: ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm beautiful

O'Reilly: You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda soap up your back...

Foley: love details

O'Reilly: rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water...and um...

Foley: i like steamroom

O'Reilly: you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda' put my arm - it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it...

Foley: well dont ruin my mental picture

O'Reilly: I appreciate the fun phone call. You can have fun tonight. I'll appreciate it. I mean it.

See you on The Factor, Congressman.

Foley: Looking forward to it.

Ok, I admit it: I took some liberties and made up the last two sentences. But it sounds pretty real, doesn't it?
The Latest

Congressman Mark Foley (R-MySpace)
Foley Checks Into Rehab

Q. What do you call it when Mel Gibson and Mark Foley get drunk together?

A. The Worst Bar Mitzvah Ever

More Lomblog Scandal Watch later...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Saturday Matinee: Special Sunday Edition

(In honor of National Hispanic Heritage Month)

¿Es el fin de semana - qué hora mejor para una película? Sí, es hora para otra edición del Matinee de Sábado, gracias a la invención ma's grande, YouTube.

Hoy...Bugs Bunny!



¿Ese Elmer Fudd es realmente algo, no?

(Univision, escríbame)