Triumph Of The Mel: Uncut & Unkosher



Mel Gibson is still making news. After his embarrassing arrest for driving under the influence of The Protocols Of Zion, he's apologized and agreed to seek treatment to curb his addiction to drunken Jew-cop-baiting. He's even asked to meet with Jewish leaders to begin a process of "healing" - or at very least, have his people talk to their people. To which I say: Good on you, mate - you are one Braveheart of recovering bigotry. Yes, Mad Mel, "We Don't Need Another Hero"...but once you lick this Heb-hating thing, you may be it!

And why is everyone being so judgemental anyway? I know after I've slammed down a few cold ones, I get way more anti-Semitic. It's well-documented that alcohol lowers our inhibition, and with it, our reluctance to blame the Chosen People. It's one reason why I never, never drink at a B'Naith B'Rith dinner. Lesson learned the hard way, I might add.

But allow me to break some news on this topic. It seems that Mel's drunken highway outburst occurred after a long day recording brand-new DVD commentary tracks with castmates from his past films. With all the controversy, it's unlikely these recordings will ever see the light of day. Fortunately, I know someone who knows someone with access to these tapes. And he's made some transcripts.....

Lethal Weapon 3
Unreleased commentary track; excerpt

DANNY GLOVER: The thing I liked about playing Murtaugh was, here's a man who never....

MEL GIBSON: Glover man, sugar tits, do you notice how dark it is in this scene?

DANNY GLOVER: Hahaha yeah.

MEL GIBSON: The gaffer really f***ed up that day.

DANNY GLOVER: Hahaha, I think I remember.

MEL GIBSON: F***in' Jews. Last I ever work with a Jew gaffer.

DANNY GLOVER: What?

MEL GIBSON: I had a good talk with Joel [Silver, producer of the Lethal Weapon films] about it.

DANNY GLOVER: Joel is great.

MEL GIBSON: Yes. Greatest kike I ever worked with.

DANNY GLOVER: (Coughing) Uh huh. It's amazing how you can still tap into the insanity of Riggs after all these years. What an actor.

We Were Soldiers
Unreleased commentary track; excerpt

CHRIS KLEIN: One of the great things about playing this role and appearing in this film was the opportunity to learn so much about Vietnam that I really didn't know before I.....

MEL GIBSON: I learned a lot too. You know who started this war, Chris?

CHRIS KLEIN: Uh....the Communists?

MEL GIBSON: F***in' Jews. Dean Rusk, McGeorge Bundy, Robert McNamara - all Jews.

CHRIS KLEIN: Uh....Mel?

MEL GIBSON: Lyndon Johnson - big Jew. And they were all in league with Mao Zedong, who was a Chink Jew.

CHRIS KLEIN: Oh man...

MEL GIBSON: Are you a Jew, Chris?

CHRIS KLEIN: I, uh....

MEL GIBSON: I'm gonna f*** you.

CHRIS KLEIN: Mel's reciting some of the dialogue that was cut, I think. Great memory.

Wow. Looks like he needs a lot of help. Pray for him, gang.

Classics On DVD

LF here, just back from two days at the annual Blogger Conference On Promoting Teen Abstinence. You know, some people attend these events to garner publicity, but I do it purely for the love of teens refraining from sex. The conference was a real eye-opener; you'd be surprised at the number of well-known bloggers that were and are abstinent. By the way, if you're an abstinent teen and you blog, a "Free Links for the Fornication-Free" certificate should be arriving in your inbox any minute now, courtesy Ben Shapiro.

Of course, when I'm on the road, I occasionally get bored and when I'm bored, I like to check out a movie or two. But unfortunately, most of today's films just leave me cold. They tend to be overloaded with sex and violence, and without the obscure symbolism that would make it all worthwhile. Luckily, some non-Lombaire classics have made their way to DVD and make great rentals for those idle moments:

Gone With The Wind

This Civil War epic, filmed in glorious Technicolor, is undoubtably one of the unparalleled classics of American cinema. The performances and characterizations are far better than any reenactment I've ever seen, or for that matter, anything recorded by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Everyone involved is at the top of their game, from the art directors (wow, imagine having to handpaint all those reels of footage) to the first black Oscar winner, Hattie McDaniel (eat your heart out, Holly Berry!).

If this set has a flaw, it's the lack of extras. I mean, no director audio track? At least Gable or Leigh or Olivia de Havilland could've sat down and chatted a bit with Leonard Maltin or some equally respected Hollywood historian. Are their schedules too busy for that? I'm sorry, French subtitles, as much I enjoy them, just aren't enough. [EDIT: Oops - talk about timeless. This film is apparently much older than I initially thought]

Still, this remains the quintessential "chick flick" for any woman who's dreamed of romance with a dashing soldier fighting to uphold Negro subjugation.

The Wizard of Oz

This is a classic that has just recently turned up on DVD. Of course, everyone is familiar with this film from the frequent TV broadcasts, but recently, there has been renewed interest because of an unusual ritual popular with fans of Pink Floyd. Supposedly if you watch the movie while listening to the Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album, the music actually synchs up with the action on screen. Now I don't have any Pink Floyd; they were a little bit before my time. But I did try this experiment with the The Fabulous Peggy Lee and the results were inconclusive. Oh well...my acid days are long over anyway.

Even without rock background, this is still a startling piece of work. Judy Garland performs beautifully as the lonely young Dorothy who, because of a freak tornado, finds herself a very long way from her home in Kansas and devoted gay following. Ray Bolger, Bert Lahr and Jack Haley are all equally brilliant as the three adult males who find what's missing from their lives while accompanying a pubescent girl through the woods. And of course, who could overlook the Munchkins? - or as they'd no doubt be known in today's PC climate, the "little squeaky people." I know "there's no place like home" but Oz was such a wonderful place, I couldn't bear the thought of not returning. I don't have cable so I haven't seen any of episodes yet but I'm glad I ordered copies of the HBO
TV series and sent a few on to my nieces and nephews as well.

Triumph Of The Will

This movie is a little more controversial than the other two. Directed by Leni Riefenstahl, this is a cinematic document of the 1934 rally at Nuremburg. Everyone who reviews the film says that, all politics aside, the artistry is breathtaking. And I agree: if you buy one piece of Nazi propaganda in your lifetime, you should definitely make it Triumph. But if you can, watch it on a double bill with Schindler's List or The Pianist so you know you're getting both sides of the story.

Though this is obviously very old footage, the DVD transfer of both the audio and visuals is astonishing in its clarity. In fact, it was so vivid, when the pizza man knocked on my door during the opening credits, I nearly hid in the basement.

Again, there's no denying the technical brilliance of this film, but a movie designed to promote the Hitler agenda will never get the gold star of excellence from me.

Happy viewing!