On The Beat

With today's special guest blogger, Gathering Moss music editor Týler Wye

In the immortal words of Spinal Tap, "Hello Cleveland!" - and Lomblog readers. What a thrill to promote the magazine in this exciting new interactive forum. You may know me from my frequent appearances on VH-1's I Love The '80s, I Love The '90s and the upcoming I Love The '00s, Except for 9-11-01, Which Was Really Sad. I've also written a no-holds-barred, unauthorized exposé of Eminem that will be published shortly, pending approval by Em and his attorneys. But what I'm really excited about is Gathering Moss.

Those of you who haven't read GM yet should know we're a different kind of rock magazine. While other music publications like to focus on youth culture, the Moss highlights the best of rock's past, present and future. In the first five issues alone, we've broken the news of Buddy Holly's plane crash, Jim Morrison's arrest for public indecency and this crazy "punk" thing that's just starting up in England. Each issue is like stepping into a rock 'n' roll time machine and pushing the wayback button to where you once belonged. Check out the exciting pieces we've lined up for this month's issue: "The Secret Story of Kurt Cobain's Greatest Unreleased Unrecorded Unwritten Song", "Exile On Main Street: A Track-By-Track Analysis", "Keith Richards' Arm: A Track-By-Track Analysis" and "Pete Townsend: Hope I Die Before They Subpoena My Credit Card Records." And if you subscribe, every issue will arrive with a free compact disc containing songs specially selected by the editors, like "Stairway To Heaven", "Hotel California", "Free Bird" and tons other rare tracks you won't find anywhere else in your mailbox.

I wish I had time to contribute more, but I have to file a report on Monterey Pop - this Janis Joplin is rockin' the hizzouse!

Peace,
TW

On The Edge

With today's special guest blogger, outlaw comic Frank Jacks

Hey. Nice site. But who picked this template - Dick Speck's art teacher? Heh heh. No, I'm kidding. Great little blog here. Let's just hope John Ashcroft doesn't find out about it.

So how is everyone tonight? Oh, that's right - you can't respond. Well, I've had worse crowds. In Smyrna, Georgia for instance. Talk about bad crowds. I looked out at a sea of mullets and said, Who books this place - Jack Ruby's personal trainer? Heh heh. Can you believe that no one got that? I'm just lucky I got out of there without being lynched.

Watch CNN a lot when I'm on the road. Pretty depressing. So much happening, what with the war and the soldiers and Al Queda, and Bush not being able to pronounce things. I look at it all and I sometimes think there's an invisible man at the end of the galaxy writing a script that all of us are following unconsciously. And I just throw up my hands and say, Who came up with this s***? - Genghis Khan's yoga instructor? Whoever that invisible man is, I just hope he isn't hired out by Microsoft and the KKK.

Relationships are trouble too. Dated a Vietnamese girl recently. Bit difficult, because of the language barrier. First time I saw her apartment, I said, Who picked these curtains - Chiang Kai Chek's home ec teacher? She just kind of stared at me blankly and asked to be returned to her family. Oh well. I just hope I don't get reported to Amnesty International.

Thanks a lot. You've been a great reader. Enjoy the rest of the blog and watch out for stray bullets from the grassy knoll.

F. Jacks