Indie-cent Exposure



Well, it's great to be back home, after three grueling days partying and attending screenings at the annual Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. Although I'm a longtime admirer of independent and experimental cinema - I mean, DUH! - this was my first time experiencing the festival in person. What a wonder - Robert Redford has created something truly unique in American film history, and if he had to sacrifice skin care in doing so, more kudos to him. I just wish there were a festival like this later in the year in a location a little more conducive to my jetset lifestyle - say, late May in the south of France? No matter, I had a lot of fun.

Since I arrived near the festival's close, I didn't get to see/camcord the majority of films that were in competition this year. But the ones I watched lead me to believe that '06 may be a banner year in moviedom, building on last year's triumphs like Brokeback Mountain, Capote, TransAmerica and one of those films where Charlize Theron gets beat up by miners or something. Of the entries I caught, these were my favorites:

• I'm Not Gonna Cry Now - Riveting true-to-life story of a woman who discovers the baby she gave up for adoption is now fully grown.

• Looking For Gary Busey - Riveting documentary about a pair of out-of-work actors who travel across country in search of actor Gary Busey. Starring, directed and written by actor Gary Busey.

• OUTSEASONED - Riveting documentary exposing the garlic-based biases of cable's Food Network.

• Soldier Bois - Riveting true-to-life story of gay soldiers in WW2 whose homosexuality is so suppressed, they can only express it through inventive mispelling of common words.

Catch these sleepers when they hit the theaters later this year. For now, I'm going to wash the rest of my clothes so they don't smell so....Ebert-y.

Letterboxed with love,

LF

Coming Up



Is God Punishing Oprah?

Eavesdropping The Ball



Yesterday, President Bush visited the National Security Agency - an organization so secretive it refuses to reveal its initials - in an attempt to buck up staffers charged with the tedious task of "decoding" America's smileys. The agency has taken the lead role in a massive domestic spying program that some call "Big Brother" and others call "elimiRIGHTS". For like most of the president's decisions, it's hard to find a middle ground. Defenders claim eavesdropping is a vital tool in the War on Terror as we seek to scope out those radical Islamists within our midst that always phone home during Ramadan. Critics charge Bush's actions are not only invasive and unnecessary but a betrayal of our Founders' intent: that America be a nation of laws, not of Mr. Furleys.



I, of course, have strong feelings on this issue. But I'm keeping them to myself out of fear that they will make me a target of government surveillance, just like MLK back in the '60s. And he didn't even blog! Unless you count this.

No, what really concerns me, an amateur terror-fighter, is the Feds' utter unresponsiveness to citizen informants. Witness this transcript of a recent call to the FBI tipline:

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Hello? Is this the FBI? I want to report some suspicious activity.

OPERATOR: Yes? Go on.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Well, nothing I've witnessed firsthand. But I think my girlfriend is seeing an Al Qaeda operative.

OPERATOR: And why do you think this?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Just a hunch. I've seen them together a couple of times now. He's a large man - about 6'3; dark hair, dark complexion...especially lately; and beard. Well, not a full beard, but you know, facial hair. Like Skeet Ulrich?



OPERATOR: And is he of Arab descent?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: That I don't know, and I'm not really one for stereotyping but...(pause)

OPERATOR: What? Is there anything else?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Yes. Do you remember that shoe bomber?

OPERATOR: Yes.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Well, this guy owns a LOT of shoes. A lot. Like a new pair every day. And one time, I followed him. Into a shoe store. He was buying these big snow boots, like Timberlands, I think, and --

OPERATOR: Could you speed this up a bit? What did you find suspicious?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Well, like I said - nothing I've seen firsthand. But it's an outdoor cafe where they eat every day - sometimes at noon, sometimes around three o'clock....and once, when I went to pick up some groceries around five, I happened to pass by, and there they were...

OPERATOR: And you've overheard conversations that troubled you?


UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Well no, I wouldn't expect them to be plotting right out there in the open! But I've seen them together a few times now, and everytime I do, I just get this sinking feeling. A feeling of, "This guy is going to blow up downtown LA."

OPERATOR: And have you talked to your girlfriend about this?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: God no! What, do you think I'm nuts?!

OPERATOR: So you decided to call the FBI?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Well, I just read about this surveillance program, and I thought you could maybe...do some things like.....well, not tap her phone because she really doesn't use a landline much, but if you could somehow get her cell phone records.....e-mail...her AIM account, which is sweetiegurl515.....if you could just get some of that and maybe share the information with me -

OPERATOR: Uh, even if we were to follow up on your report, we wouldn't be able to share any of that with you.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Really? Why not?

OPERATOR: It's not our policy to share sensitive information in a criminal investigation with a private citizen.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: But I'm her boyfriend!

OPERATOR: Sorry.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Damnit. Ok, it was worth a try.

OPERATOR: Thank you for contacting us.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Thank you for listening.

OPERATOR: Goodbye.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Oh wait -

OPERATOR: Yes?

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: Don't tell her I called, ok.

OPERATOR: Ok.

UNIDENTIFIED CALLER: I could be totally wrong about this. It could be her brother for all I know but I don't think so. (Dial Tone) Are you still there?

Hopefully the publication of this transcript will shame the government into taking terrorism prevention a bit more seriously.

Hello and Welcome Again!

Greetings to all. If you've clicked here and noticed a special glow emanating from your computer screen, you should probably shut down. But it may also be the new look we're sporting as we prepare to enter our third (!) successful (!) year of highly erratic posting. Just kidding - Lomblog is back, and this time no amount of angst or bitterness will stop me until I've penetrated the public consciousness as thoroughly as that Jib Jab crap.


As usual, there were many theories about my absence. Some saw it as yet more evidence that God was punishing America. Others speculated that I was still licking the wounds left over from my recent break-up with Fiona Apple - or as the trade publications called us "Lombaire Faniona." Regardless, I have returned to my natural home with a fresh commitment to providing the kind of subtle, sophisticated, insightful commentary this country desperately needs but doesn't in any way deserve.

I have to admit to feeling a bit adrift in the new year. I regret not being here to provide the last word on the critical events of November, December and early-to-mid-January, when America edged ever closer to a "constitutional crisis" while making entirely too many "gay cowboy" jokes. Perhaps it's because I spent several tension-filled weeks in the Middle East organizing a Friar's Club roast of Ariel Sharon. Of course, it could still happen - Gilbert Gottfried and I check the wire services every day. No matter; the show must go on, as someone fond of cliches once said. So check this space tomorrow for subtle, sophisticated, insightful "gay cowboy" jokes. Until then...

Adieu!