Schmucky Like The Wolf



As you know, Lomblog has never been afraid to take on major figures in the establishment press. We were, for instance, one of the first blogs to expose the family connections that may have aided Access: Hollywood anchor Billy Bush. Which is why we were pleased when the liberal media watchdog site Media Matters zeroed in on some comments by CNN's Wolf Blitzer. It's about time someone picked up our slack.

During coverage of the Pope's funeral, Blitzer opened one segment with this:

BLITZER: -- U.S. Catholics are a diverse group, as illustrated by two of our Crossfire co-hosts, the conservative Robert Novak, the liberal Paul Begala. Both good Catholics -- I don't know "good" Catholics, but both Catholics. I'm sure Bob is a good Catholic, I'm not so sure about Paul Begala.

This drew a sharp response from Begala:

BEGALA: Well, now, who are you to pass moral judgment on my religion, Mr. Blitzer? My goodness gracious.

BLITZER: So you are a good Catholic?

BEGALA: I'm serious, that annoys me. I don't think anybody should presume that a liberal is not a good Catholic.

BLITZER: I was certainly not questioning -- I was only teasing.

BEGALA: Okay.

BLITZER: Don't be so sensitive.

Sadly, this was not an isolated incident. As we poured over CNN transcripts, we learned that Mr. Blitzer has frequently performed on-air more like an office bore than a professional journalist.

Here's a prime example from another interview conducted that same day:

BLITZER: We have now a very special guest, Bishop Alexander Kowalchik of Poland. Bishop Kowalchik was actually mentored by Pope John Paul as a young priest, and he joins us live via satellite from Rome.

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: Hello, Wolf.

BLITZER: Hello, Bishop, and thank you for speaking to us. It must be quite moving for you to see the intense emotion surrounding the Pope's funeral.

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: Yes, Wolf. The sheer number of mourners, both average citizens and dignitaries, is overwhelming.

BLITZER: Certainly, Bishop. In fact, I believe I heard that this was the largest gathering of Catholic clergy in one place since the last time Hanson toured.

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: Huh?

JUDY WOODRUFF: Wolf! Hahahaha.

BLITZER: Nothing, Bishop. Just a little aside for our younger viewers.

Anyway, I figure it was quite emotional for you to see the Pope lying in state.

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: Yes, it was, Wolf. But I took a certain comfort knowing His Holiness is finally free of the pain and distress that troubled him in his final days. Pope John Paul is now resting peacefully in the arms of Heaven, under the watchful eye of the Blessed Mother. So while his physical form has departed us, his spirit is still very much alive.

BLITZER: That's interesting. I know, watching the Pope all week, I couldn't help but think of an old joke. Do you know it, Bishop?

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: Uh, I'm not sure.

BLITZER: How do you spot the Polish guy at a funeral home? Bishop?

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: Well....I'm not sure.

BLITZER: He's the one pounding on the lid of the casket, shouting "Let me out, I just wanted to lie down for a bit!"

JUDY WOODRUFF: Hahaha - oh Wolf!

BOB NOVAK: Hey O!

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: I'm not sure I find that appropriate.

BLITZER: Lighten up, Bishop. I'm sure the Pope would've laughed.

But on this topic, what would you say is the difference between burying an Italian pope and burying a Polish pope?

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: The difference? I really wouldn't say there is a difference. I think everyone in Rome was always well aware of John Paul's national origin. But he was beloved here as any of the Italian popes that preceded him.

BLITZER: That's interesting. See, I always heard the difference is, When you bury an Italian pope, all the good restaurants close for a day. But when you bury a Polish pope, the service improves.

BISHOP KOWALCHIK: What?

BLITZER: I'm Wolf Blitzer. You're watching CNN. We'll be right back.

E-mail Wolf Blitzer and ask him to stop being such a dick.

Debate Aftermath

Ye olde devoted reader(s), oh how I've missed you! I'm now back from three days of detainment in Coral Gables, Florida - site of the first presidential debate and by strange coincidence, the latest federally designated disaster area. Since the Bush-Kerry face-off Thursday night, initial impressions have gelled and then hardened - and as you know, it's hard work getting impressions to harden. Who won? Well, I had seats close to the stage, so I was a bit distracted by Mrs. Heinz-Kerry's constant snuff-chewing. But most polling has given Massachusetts' junior senator a discernable "bounce". And for the Kerry campaign, this has to be the biggest break since TBS stopped showing Munsters reruns.

Most experts and many viewers seem to believe the Senator came off more "presidential" than the president. But I believe there was an extra dimension to Mr. Bush's performance - in fact, he was downright "presi-dimensional". Yes, there's probably never been a greater display of presi-dimensia in all of American political history.

How did the president do? Almost from the beginning it seemed like he was on the defensive, displaying the body language of Bambi's mom after hearing the hunters approach:




Still, he wasted no time reminding the audience of his major accomplishment: holding office through a succession of tragedies. Terrorism dominated the discussion; an apt subject matter, given gaps in Bush's 90-second responses large enough to drive a truck bomb through. Let's hope our public transportation is less vulnerable to derailment than the president's train of thought.

The candidates went back and forth on the Iraq war. Kerry argued that the president failed to build a broad international coalition, relying largely on the help of Great Britain and Australia. To which the president interjected: "Actually, you forgot Poland." Now, under the rules, the candidates were not allowed to question each other directly. Too bad, as it would've been interesting to see Kerry ask, "Mr. President, exactly how many Poles does it take to help us in Iraq?" (Answer: thirty to guard the oil in the pipeline, forty to keep the others from huffing it).

I can't wait for the next debate on Friday, and neither can the people of Florida, who are anxious to learn which candidate is a strong, decisive leader that will help reconstruct their porch.