Is Lomblog Biased?

With the conventions over and yours truly no longer in the custody of NYC's finest, a little self-reflection is in order. While winning the traffic wars against more-established competitors like Eat Chicago and of course, sticks and string: a knitting blog, Lomblog is not without critics. In fact, some self-proclaimed media "watchdogs" will go to practically any lengths to disparage my good screen name. Luckily, I have a forum to respond.

But first the charges themselves. The following is an excerpt from the new book, Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire: How Lombaire Fan Slants The News, Distorts, Derides And Drives His Frustrated Readers To Write Angry Screeds With Maddeningly Long Subtitles (Thugnery Publishing; $18.95).

This book is the product of people who've had enough. Time and time again, Lombaire Fan has used his personal website to espouse his personal opinions. It's as if he feels he is somehow exempt from the rules of professional journalism simply because he is not a professional journalist. Now, no one questions Mr. Fan's right to express a dissenting view. What we question is his character, motives and right to express a dissenting view that differs from our own.

It would be one thing if Fan were upfront about his political beliefs. Then we would know not to trust him, and to begin a massive campaign of personal harrassment and intimidation of the chronic liar, his friends and family. But no, this so-called "blogger" is far too cowardly for that. When called upon to justify his demonstrated bias, the only defense offered is that he's "just funnin'" and "it ain't no thing". He's even gone so far as to call himself "a political independent" who votes for "the man, not the party, unless the party includes a rich assortment of gourmet cheese on Wheat Thins". Sorry, Lombaire Fan, you're not fooling anyone; your partisan disregard for the facts is almost as obvious as ours.

And the facts speak for themselves. Mr. Fan may occasionally call his blog "the no-crap zone", but a careful review of more than five posts he's published since last April show that 93% are composed of "crap" and another 7% "a squishy substance that resembles crap but can only stink worse because it comes out of Lombaire Fan". Over the next 3,321 pages, we will provide more statistics that bolster our case. And in the 2,829 pages after that, we will belabor the point further.

We can only hope that this publication will be a small step toward creating a media sphere where the likes of Lombaire Fan are no longer viable public voices with good credit.

I've been advised by my lawyers to say as little about this as possible. You know - loose lips sink blogs and all that. But suffice to say, all the mentions of "Lombaire Fan", "Lomblog" and "gourmet cheese" are violations of my intellectual property rights. As for the rest of it....well, if the writers of this libel think they're so hot, why don't they get their own blog and let's see it beat sticks and string!

By the way, none of the people responsible for this book have responded to my offer of a duel. Cowards.