A Cosby Kid Speaks Out

Recently, comedian/Jello pitchman Bill Cosby created controversy with some harsh remarks about the current state of the black community. Since the Cosby speech, commentators on all sides of the racial and political divide have spoken out to condemn or praise its message. But some of the voices most closely associated with Mr. Cosby in the past have not been heard from - until now.



Albert Michael Patterson, né "Fat Albert", is Distinguished Professor of Afro-Animated Cultural Studies at Harvard. He is also the best-selling author of the books Hey Hey Hey: Visions of Black America in Filmation Cartoons 1970 - 75, From the Junkyard to Harvard Yard: A Fat Life and The Revolution Will Not Be Pixilated. Public Enemy's Chuck D. has called Patterson "the baddest 2-D brother on the block", while fellow Harvardite Dr. Cornel West has termed him "the conscience of 'Toon America." My telephone conversation with Prof. Patterson took place, appropriately enough, last Saturday morning.

LOMBAIRE FAN: Thank you for speaking with me. I have to say, for our blog, you're quite a big catch...

PROFESSOR ALBERT: Big? Oh oh, I get it - because I'm heavy, right? That what you called about? Well, you seen Fred Flintstone lately? You could cut him in half and make two of me. Dude makes Rubble look like Whitney Houston. But I understand this white-male obsession with aesthetic superiority. It's mostly about insecurity and misplaced projection. You don't think Popeye would dump Olive Oil in a second if he could get his hands on some 'Tifah?!

LF: Well, I'm sorry if there was some misunderstanding, that's not really what I meant --

PA: Oh yeah yeah, that's not what you "meant." Just like Thomas Jefferson didn't "mean" it when he wrote "we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal." Well, Brother Fan, I know a lot about not being created equal. Back in the Seventies, I didn't have half the frame-to-frame freedom of movement of Archie and Jugghead or the Super Friends. You try living like that and then come tell black folk in the projects they aren't "holding up their end." A lot of times I didn't even have an end to hold up!

LF: You're obviously alluding to something that Mr. Cosby said in his speech. I take it you don't agree with his contention that lower-class African Americans are holding back progress for the whole community?

PA: I sure as hell don't agree and I've asked his management to remove my name from anything associated with Cosby.

LF: How is that possible? Didn't he more or less create you?

PA: Create me? I created him.

LF: How?

PA: Before he met me, he was nothing but a two-bit nightclub comic, not fit to shine Dick Gregory's shoes. He was doing his thing - the silly faces and the kiddie gibberish - for every bourgeois businessman in Vegas for a night on the town with a rented tux and a company-bought hotel ho on his arm. It wasn't until he came to Oakland and saw me and my gang operate that he really knew how to connect with shorties. We made him. If I had a nickel for every Pudding Pop he sold because people recognized his voice from my show...I could buy a lot more Pudding Pops.

LF: You sound a tad bitter.

PA: No, no, no - I'm not going to comform to anyone's stereotype of the angry black animation. And I've never blamed things on the white man, even when he canceled me to put on Richie Rich. I just resent it when people from our community step on our backs to get ahead and then criticize the people they leave behind. Cosby is completely out of touch. When do you think is the last time he's spoken to Russell? Or Mudfoot? Or Weird Harold?

LF: What about Mushmouth?

PA: Well, now, Mushmouth is a perfect example of where Cosby's completely off-base. You think Mush talked that way because he wanted to? The dude was slumming because that was the only way you could make a living back in the day. Off-screen, he was a very intelligent and super-talented. Hell, I saw him do Shakespeare in the Park, playing Hamlet in To Be-buh or Not To Be-buh. If he'd cleaned himself up and seen an orthodontist, he could've been another Morgan Freeman or Samuel L.

LF: Well, what happened to him?

PA: It's a sad story. He quit acting and started managing music acts. He was very successful until last year when Lil Bow Wow's parents found him going through Bow's garbage. I tried to tell them, "You dumb n***as, he grew up in a junkyard! He wasn't trying to steal your stuff - he was trying to go home again!" They wouldn't listen and Mush was fired. Luckily, I found a dumpster in Cambridge he could stay at for a few months.

And did "Dr" Cosby lift a finger to help? Of course not. He was probably running around jazz clubs with Hugh Hefner or accepting another honorary doctorate.

LF: Thank you for your time, Fa -- uh-- Mr. Patterson. You've offered an ample amount of insight.

PA: I appreciate the forum, Brother F. I hope I haven't sounded too angry here. I'm just very passionate about the struggle. Growing up, I knew I was starting with some disadvantages: I was black, I was poor, I was obese and I was a 'toon. But to paraphrase the Rev. Jackson, I may have been drawn in the ghetto but the ghetto wasn't drawn in me. That's the inspirational message our children need to hear, not some cranky old dude in a sweater.