LF's Olympic Update

Brought to you by Kol Tov, the official kosher restaurant of the 2004 Summer Olympics.




Lots of action here in Athens. I may be keeping it kosher but the big winner today was Hamm - Paul Hamm. He captured the gold in Men's Individual All Around Gymnastics by the narrowest margin in history. The American beat South Korean Kim Dae-eun by a score so close, it makes Veikko Huhtanen's 1948 victory over Walter Lehmann look like a freakin' landslide! Oops - I forgot not everyone is an Olympic "wonk" like me. Needless to say, all the fans rooting for the US this year were really excited. In fact, a man who knows a thing or two about narrow margins, President Bush, called to congratulate Hamm on his triumph. Being the curious sort, he also asked how many of the Olympic judges were appointed by the gymnast's father. Bravo, Paul. I know you've been preparing for this moment for years, and if you get a good endorsement deal, it'll be years before we forget who you are. If not, I hear that Mary Lou Retton's slot at TGI Friday's has just opened up.

But the plucky underdogs probably everyone has taken to heart is the Iraqi soccer team. These guys have shown more fancy footwork than Paul Bremer leaving Baghdad, and made a lot more progress too; I don't care what anyone says, that $7 billion we spent training Kurdish goalies has really paid off. If they take home gold, silver or bronze, we can be sure of two things: 1) these medals will be the most valuable commodities in Iraq that haven't been looted and 2) it'll be the biggest Olympic "miracle" since 1980, though perhaps not as miraculous as finding WMD in the players' homeland. Good luck, team - bend it like B'aathists!

And if fortune doesn't smile on you, we can always meet at Kol Tov for some smoked salmon on rye.

The Pelé of posting,

LF