Oh, the troubles I gain for merely speaking my mind. Following my release last night, I learned that after some pressure, lots of cajoling and many outright lies, I had gained a much-coveted spot on the official John Kerry for president blogroll.
Although Senator Kerry was not my first choice for the Democratic nomination - I was California chair of Draft Margot Kidder - I was proud to support him for two reasons, really. One: he's the first candidate in years to openly acknowledge his French heritage. Second, as a senator, he did a very admirable job in exposing the links between the drug traffic and the CIA-backed Nicaraguan contras (I know of these links first-hand: Andy Gibb and I were badly gypped by a so-called "freedom fighter" in the bathroom of Studio 54, circa '81).
Unfortunately, the Kerry/Lomblog connection lasted just scant minutes before one of the Kerry "researchers" (read: brownshirts) crawled the web and found an old post of mine, The Pope Is A Deutschbag! In this post, which I've deleted from my archives so as not to cause further upset, I tried to methodically build a case for my point of view (though I must admit the accompanying illustration was in very poor taste). I also went to great pains to make clear that I did not believe that all popes were deutschbags, only the one who's in there now. Sadly, this was not enough for the Kerry-ites. I understand that the Senator is a politician - and a practicing Catholic - so there's a limit to how much controversy he's willing to have associated with his good name. Still, I can't say I'm not disappointed.
You see, I saw myself as a liason between the Democratic nominee and the emerging Net community of Francocentric starving artists who've been blogging for nearly three weeks. Also, I had many innovative ideas for improving the candidate's Web presence. Through the Lombaire Foundation, as well as e-mails I've forwarded to my parents, I've already raised potentially hundreds of dollars for the Kerry campaign. I was certain that I could elicit much more with a unique fundraising appeal that I personally drafted:
ATTN. SIR/MADAM
I AM SENATOR JOHN FORBES KERRY OF THE COMONWELTH OF MASSCHUSETTS, FORMERLY OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY IN VIETNAM. MY COUNTRY IS CURRENTLY UNDER THE DESPOTIC RULE OF A CORRUPT, HAEVILY ARMD JUNTA AND HAS BEEN SINCE DEC. 12, 2000 WHEN BLACK-ROBED THIEVES EXECUTED VICE PRES. ALBERT GORE IN THE DEAD OF NITE. THE PEOPLE IN POWR ARE RTHLESS. SINCE I FRST BECAME A CANDIDETE, THEY HAV SLANDERD MY MILITARY CAREER AND EVEN CLAIMD I HAD BOTOX INJECTINS!
PLEASE HELP. MY SITUTAION IS URGENT. JUST MONTHS AGO, I HAD TO SELL MY HOME TO PAY FOR BIO ADS IN THE EARLY PRIMARY STATES, AND MY WIFE HAS BEN REDUCED TO ERNING A LIVING THROUGH KETCHUP. IF I DO NOT WIN, I WILL HAVE TO RTURN TO THE SENATE, WHERE I WIL BE FORVER OVRSHADOWED BY SEN. KENNEDY. PLEASE GIVE MONEY! I HAVE JUST SIX MONTHS LEFT TO REVERS THE COUP! MAKE YUR TAX-DEDUCTIBLE CONTRIBUTIONS IN AMOUNTS UP TO $2000. CHECKS AND ALL MAJR CREDT CARDS AR ACEPPTED. YUR REWARDS WILL BE MOR EDUCATION FUNDING, MIDDLE CLASS TAX CUTS AND GREATER UN INVOLVMENT IN IRAQ.
YOUR'S FAITHFULLY,
JOHN KERRY - DEMOCRATIC NOMINEE FOR PRESIDENT
